whatever does this mean?

As we go about our every day, there are many occasions on which we, or someone we come into contact with, may hold on to or assign a meaning to something which seem to be, at least to us, quite out of context.

For example, you say to your office colleague, "You look nice today," and they say, "Are you saying that I don’t look nice every day?" Where did THAT come from?! You meant what you said at face value and you thought that you were being nice! But the meaning that your colleague assigned to what you said was different.

For your colleague, that is his or her reality. They aren’t wrong either, because that is how they see it from their perspective.

This is how misunderstandings and miscommunications can occur, and that is also how we can stress ourselves needlessly. When you understand that it all comes down to the meaning that we put onto things, then you are more able to take control.

We don’t have any control over the meaning that someone assigns to something we say, but we do have control over what we say and how we say it. Similarly, we don’t have control over how someone else may communicate with us, but we do have control over the meaning that we choose to assign to what they said.

In other words, we can take full responsibility for our communication – both outside of ourselves, with others, as well as inside of ourselves, with ourselves.

When someone is off-handed with you, is it that they were rude to you or is it that they’ve had a bad day? When someone takes offence to something you said, is it that they are being awkward or is it that you haven’t communicated your message as effectively as you could have?

You Get To Choose

The meaning that you assign to something will determine your response, and ultimately the action that you take. That then also determines the response that you get back in return. You can consciously choose and decide what meaning you will put onto any communication or event.

Words can also take on different meanings for different people. The word "risk", for example, can mean adventure and excitement to one person and "steer clear" to another.

So, when you communicate with people on your team or with your colleagues, are you using words which you know will impart the meaning that you want for them to get?

Similarly, what meaning do you give to events that happen? When the tube (or trains) is running late, do you choose to get stressed out about it, or do you choose to take advantage of the extra time you have, to think or to read? When the person in the car ahead of you is cruising along a little slowly, do you get impatient and mutter under your breath, or do you simply wait calmly for the right opportunity to overtake them?

The choice is always yours.

So start to be aware of how you are reacting and responding to things that people say and the things that happen in your life. Before you automatically jump to assign a meaning to it, stop and ask, "Whatever does this mean?" Also give more time to understand other people’s position and where they are coming from. Then, make your decisions and responses from your renewed perspective.

Consider this Principle

We are responsible for our experience. Our thoughts create our reality. We are in charge of our own thinking.

Action Points

1. Start to notice the meanings that you assign to words and events.

2. If you find that the meaning that you have assigned to a word or event is not supportive of you, how can you re-frame the meaning so that it is more empowering?

3. When communicating with others, take note of their reactions and consider what meanings they might be assigning to words and events.

4. If they are not taking on the meaning of your communication, how might you change it?

Quote

"First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak." - Epictetus

"There is no meaning to life except the meaning man gives to his life by the unfolding of his powers." - Erich Fromm

"If it is true that words have meanings, why don't we throw away words and keep just the meanings?" - Ludwig Wittgenstein

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