giving praise is one thing...

Since the wider introduction of the subject of emotional intelligence, managers and leaders would probably have heard more about the benefits of giving praise for a job well done.

Giving praise helps an individual feel valued. It is encouraging and gives a clear reinforcing message. It builds confidence. It also helps the individual to increase their own awareness of their own strengths and abilities. In giving praise, we want it to be immediate, specific and sincere.

Indeed, praise and acknowledgment are things that we all tend to do very naturally with babies and young children (and might I add, perhaps even our pets). When a baby is learning to walk, we are usually lavish with our praise and encouragement. Yet somehow, as they grow older, our tendency to give praise diminishes.

And so it is, that as we have grow older, we learn to not expect praise (yet deep down still want it), and in its place, we learn to be more cognizant of the opposite - the gaps, the weaknesses, the "what is wrong". As adults, the general assumption then, is that adults don't need praise or acknowledgement.

Here's the thing. Even in recognising that giving praise is a good thing to do, do you find that you feel awkward doing it?

Now, consider the other side of praise; consider it from point of view of you as the receiver. How comfortable do you feel with being given praise by someone else?

Giving praise is one thing; receiving it is the other. I've noticed that there are often several variations of responses, all on a similar theme, when someone acknowledges a person for a job well done. Which of these is you?

(1) You shrug and say a little sheepishly, "Yes, thank you, but anyone could have done it".

(2) You brush it off lightly with, "Oh, just part of my job".

(3) You make little of it by saying, "Thanks but it was just a simple/easy thing to do".

(4) You respond along similar lines.

You might also find that you respond in the same way when receiving compliments.

Think back to the child learning to walk. They certainly don't brush off any praise and encouragement that they are given!

As leaders, it is down to you to lead the way with praise and acknowledgement... not only in terms of giving it, but also (and especially) in relation to receiving it.

And the first step? Start with yourself. Start now by giving yourself a bit of praise... or a compliment.

Action Points

You may already have been practising giving praise to your team members and/or colleagues. If so, that's great - keep it up.

And now for the just as important action point - finding opportunities to praise yourself, with no "ifs" and no "buts". You might perhaps get on with identifying and acknowledging your own strengths, for starters.

Quote

"When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one." - Mark Twain

"Undoubtedly, emotional intelligence will not, by itself, guarantee higher profits or greater market share... But improving the way people work together has a multiplicative effect in an organization... It helps to leverage intellectual capital, and that is a critical ingredient to achieving competitive advantage." - Taken from Center for Quality of Management Journal, Volume 9, Number 1, Summer 2000

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