are you tired of not achieving your goals?

The one thing that I do know about myself in the past is that there have been many things which I have achieved without apparently having set any goals, and conversely, many goals that I had set, written down, thought a lot about and yet didn’t achieve. Have you found this to be true for you too?

I discovered that the goals that really meant something to me, the BIG ones that I really wanted, were the very ones that seemed the most elusive. I’d hear and read stories about people who said that they didn’t really believe that something could happen, but they wrote it down and read it everyday, and then just as the date assigned to the goal drew near, the goal came to be.

Whilst this works for some people, it wasn’t quite my experience. I found myself feeling disappointed, and more able to consider feeling like a failure than otherwise! I found it even more dissatisfying to be setting goals than not. And the stretch goals that I had heard were meant to be motivating only seemed to ultimately contribute to a lesser sense of self.

Was there something I was missing?

What Is Behind The Setting Of Goals?

Goals help us to get clarity and focus…..and to feel good. The last piece is one that we often forget about, if we even hear about it. Why do we want what we want anyway? The deepest most reason is always a desire to feel good in some way, and keeping focused on the goal provides the motivation from the anticipation of the goal coming to be.

Yet, the goal itself can often bring up not-so-good feelings. How is that, and why?

There are three elements to getting anything we want, the first two of which are "inner" elements and the last one an "outer" element.

(1) Desire
(2) Resistance
(3) Action

When you think about something that you want, how does it feel? Does it feel totally good? Or do you get a tinge of not-so-good?

The extent to which you feel the tinges of not-so-good gives you an indication of how much resistance you have.

Resistance is the collection of opposing thoughts to your thoughts on your Desire (what you want).

These can be thoughts such as, "But I don’t have it" or "I can’t see how I can get that" or "I can’t afford it" and so on. Your dominant thought is that which you think about more strongly and more consistently – and you tell the balance between your level of Desire and your level of Resistance from how you feel about your goal.

The higher the level of your desire and the lower the level of your resistance, the more positive you feel, and the more quickly and more easily you attain your goal. Action seems effortless, and things seem to appear to just fall into place.

By the Natural Law of Attraction, we attract to ourselves people, events, information and circumstances which are in harmony with our dominant thought. This is our Reticular Activating System (see article, "Can You Be Financially Free?") in action.

Have you come across a person before who mentioned that they wanted something and somehow someone showed up with just the thing that they wanted and they didn’t have to go out and look for it? That’s desire with little resistance, with action being easy and seemingly effortless.

We have been well conditioned into thinking that life has to be hard and a struggle if we are to get what we want. Yet, we know of people who seem to have things just happen for them. What we don’t realise, is that our beliefs around struggle and working hard are the resistance – the things which make it difficult even before we begin…and that is when procrastination sets in or we give up.

Or we may wonder why we are not enjoying or taking action towards our goal even though we have a desire for it. When this happens, our level of resistance is greater than our level of desire. It is like driving a car with one foot on the accelerator, and the other on the brake at the same time.

So to make it easier to achieve your goals, maximise your desire and minimise your resistance.

The Real Power Behind Goals

Most of us have been taught how to set goals "backwards" – we decide what we want, then work out the steps on how to get there. We think, when I have this, then I will feel great. And often, when we get there, the elation is short-lived – "Is this it? Now what?" Then we set another goal and strive towards that repeating the same process and potentially feeling the anti-climax of it when we get there.

We’ve been used to setting goals in this logical analytical way, based on our conscious desires. We think about what we want, such as cars, homes, travel, money and so on, we set those as goals and then we think about what we then need to do to get there.

What we often don’t do as part of that goal-setting process is to determine our unconscious desires. Our unconscious desires are the underlying reason for our conscious desires, and are based on some kind of feeling good or feeling better. We may have the desire for approval, to be liked, to be recognised, to have a sense of achievement, or freedom; perhaps we want security, or to be loved or respected, and so on.

By doing this, you align your thoughts, feelings and actions so that they are congruent. The more in alignment they are, the easier and quicker it is to reach your goals.

These feelings are the real power behind our goals. The more you tap into that on a daily basis, the more you tap into the behaviour and action and the less attached you become to the outcome itself. Other opportunities show up and we more readily identify them because we are less attached to how things must be.

Enjoy The Journey

If you can reach the place where you feel so good that the end result is no longer the main event and the way that you feel while you are on the journey is, then you will discover not only that your quality of life increases, but achieving the goal is easier and less stressful, plus you would have enjoyed yourself along the way.

If you could reach just one goal next year, which one would it be?

Action Points

Write down what you don’t want, and then clarify what you do want, being sure to state this in the positive.

Now ask yourself, "For what purpose do I want this? What will it give me more of or that I do not already have?"

Keep on asking this question until you reach some kind of positive feeling, such as a sense of freedom, security, peace, respect, recognition, etc. Identify the top one or two feelings – these are the essences of your goals.

Imagine having already achieved your goals and revel in the feelings.

Now ask yourself what actions you feel inspired to take, and note these down.

Also make a note of other actions/things that you could do which, although they may not seem to directly contribute to the goal, will bring you the essences of your goal.

Enjoy the journey!

Quote

"Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality" - Ralph Marston

"Enjoyment is not a goal, it is a feeling that accompanies important ongoing activity" - Paul Goodman

"Think and feel yourself there! To achieve any aim in life, you need to project the end-result. Think of the elation, the satisfaction, the joy! Carrying the ecstatic feeling will bring the desired goal into view" - Grace Speare

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