are you a player or a spectator?

Last month, I gave a talk at the Women Millionaires Club in London. A London newspaper reporter was present. During the interactive sections of the talk, I noticed that she was pre-occupied with observing everyone else in the room and not participating herself at all.

I understand that that is part of her job. However, I did wonder whether she might be able to give a more meaningful report if she had taken part in the activity as well rather than only observing.

It reminded me of the time that I did a fire-walk at a seminar I attended. I confess that I had had no intention of doing it at all. I was determined that I had nothing to prove to anyone and doing a fire-walk wasn't going to prove anything to me either. So I decisively declared that I would watch, and not participate. Truth be told, I was too afraid to get it wrong.

Get it wrong? Yes! What if I burnt my feet and I failed to get across the hot coals? What if everyone else gets across and I don't? I by-passed the fire lanes and waited at the opposite end for the people I knew to do their thing. Then I was celebrating with them all, cheering them for their success and their now having a clear reference for themselves, that they could do something which they previously thought they couldn't and that fear can be transmuted into something positive.

It was in that moment that I realised that my refusing to do the fire-walk was a representation of how I had been leading my life up until then - sitting on the side-lines, too afraid to take any kind of risk, encouraging other people to do what, deep down, I really wanted to do myself. And so I knew that I had to walk barefooted over those hot coals, even if it meant the risk of burning my feet and "failing". I knew that I had to try; I knew that I had to participate fully... or I would never know and forever wonder, "What if I had?"

Since then, I've played at life more fully, from going tandem sky-diving to setting up my own business in a field completely unrelated to my previous career path.

However, I also know that the gremlins that lurk around in our heads can often pop up at the most inopportune moments, stopping us from doing the very thing we want. "Oh, I don't have enough money, I haven't any new clients, I'm not good enough to be promoted, I don't know how to make money, I'm too scared to try out a new business venture even though I think it's a good idea, I'm too afraid of making changes in my business, I haven't enough time to do my work how I want to but I can't afford to hire a personal assistant..." You know the ones that come up regularly for you.

Now, here's the thing - those gremlins are just in our heads. They are our own thoughts; and even though it may not necessarily feel like it at times, the one thing that we do have 100% control over is our thoughts.

Are you an active player in the game of running your thinking and the game of life, or are you a spectator, letting your thoughts run you and sitting on the side-lines? You get to choose.

So the next time you find yourself too anxious about something, stop, and imagine for a few minutes the opposite outcome instead. After all, what difference is there between thinking of the worst outcome and the best one? It takes the same effort but one stops us on our tracks and the other feels a darn sight better!

Don't just spectate, play full out.

Action Points

1. Start noticing your thoughts - where are they taking you?

2. Are your thoughts the most supporting and empowering ones to have?

3. If not, what other thoughts would be more supportive?

4. Shift your thinking around a little, focusing it more towards what you want.

5. Stay with that thought, and when you are feeling less anxious or negative, shift it around just that little bit more.

6. Then, take action and have fun at playing!

Quote

"Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power" - Shirley MacLaine

"Fear is that little dark room where negatives are developed" - Michael Pritchard

"Once you start replacing negatives thoughts with positive ones, you'll start getting positive results " - Willie Nelson

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