the purpose of goals is not about achievement...?

Have you ever thought about why we want what we want and why we do what we do?

The underlying reason is for how we feel. It is the "being" piece of being human. As human beings, we like to do and have things, because the doing and the having contribute to the being.

In short, the things that we want and aim for can essentially be boiled down to a feeling or two. It is what we experience and feel that are the real purpose of our goals.

You’ve probably heard it said that it is important to set goals; I had only ever heard about this in the context of achieving something or acquiring something – the "ends" to which I would aim. The process of reaching those goals was never mentioned, and so, was not something I ever considered. The thought was that if we could only have something or do something, then we would feel happier or more fulfilled or better. We learned the "Have-Do-Be" paradigm. The aim was to reach the goal, as soon as possible.

Likewise, most people forget about the journey and only remember the end-point. Then they get there and think, "Is this it?" Before you can blink, they’re onto the next goal and the next and the next, never truly appreciating the experience they’ve just had.

In other words, goals are not just about things to "achieve", and neither are goals just about things to "acquire". Instead they are really a way of identifying things to have and do so that you can go through the process of living the life you want, by experiencing wonderful feelings from the having and the doing.

Goals really are about the journey, with the over-arching aim of enjoying life to the fullest!

The irony is that because we ultimately want to feel good about ourselves, we can often give up the idea of setting goals. Because we have been taught that goals are the ends in themselves, and we don’t realise that it is really the feeling that it gives us that we are really after, we can become attached to getting the goal. We don’t realise that there are a myriad of different ways in which we can actually get the underlying reason for the goal – the feeling. So, over time, if we don’t achieve our goals, many people feel bad about themselves. And because the feeling of "failure" doesn’t feel good, they give up setting goals at all. It becomes painful to do so.

Now just suppose that you change your thinking about goals, so that goals are a means to an end – the end being the feeling that you want. Think about the things you want to have and to do, and then imagine that you are living it for real. Go on, just imagine. How do you feel? What are the main feelings you get?

Adventure? Freedom? Joy? Discover the essence of your goals – and call those feelings whatever you want, just as long as you know what that means for you.

You see, by feeling more and more of those good feelings on a daily basis, and amplifying your good feelings through as many different ways as possible, your bigger goals will start to happen too. This is what is meant by "Be-Do-Have".

In the home study programme, "Get What You Really Want in Just 12 Minutes a Day", (see Online Shop) one of the exercises is to come up with your outrageous goals; things that you would like to have and do, just for fun. What if you set yourself goals – hundreds of them – just for the sake of knowing that with each one that you do reach, you will have had a ball getting there – living YOUR essence. So what if they didn’t come to be? And what if they did!!?

It’s not about goals but what you want to experience and you can experience the same feelings through a whole myriad of ways. You don’t have to go to the moon to do this. Start today with the smallest things.

Action Points

Go ahead and dream! Write down as many goals as you can – both "realistic" and outrageous ones, just for the fun of it. Then read through your list every so often, and as often as you remember, imagine your goals having already come true and just what that feels like (the essence of your goals). Revel in it and take those feelings into your day.

Quote

"It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end." - Ursula K LeGuin

"If you really know what you want out of life, it’s amazing how opportunities will come to enable you to carry them out." - John M Goddard

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