can't you tell?

It was early 1998. My partner Jeff and I were on our way to lunch, to celebrate. I had resigned from my job in investment banking and plans were in place for a three-month break, travelling around South East Asia. It was the first time I had been in between jobs with no new role already lined up. What an adventure! Jeff was bounding, literally... you know, the way dogs do when they are let off their leash. Me? I was as cool as a cucumber.

"Aren’t you excited?" Jeff asked. I could sense his tail wagging nineteen to the dozen. "Of course I’m excited!" I said. "Where?" came his reply, "“I can’t see it..."

I rolled my eyeballs. "Can’t you tell? Look! I’m smiling from ear to ear!"

I shared this story with a client, and she fell into a bout of laughter. "How many times I’ve said the same thing myself – ‘Can’t you tell?’"

It seems that somewhere during the process of growing up, we learn to keep our emotions in check. Even our happiest experiences are often reduced to a beaming smile. How we deprive ourselves from the true depth of our feelings! Sometimes, we are afraid that in allowing ourselves to properly feel, we might inadvertently let our feelings run away with us – especially the negative ones. We are afraid that we might lose control. The funny thing is, many people already allow themselves to do that, thinking nothing about it. How many times have you considered only the down side of something, feeling bad in the process and then discovering that the reality was nowhere close to your imagined scenario? How many times have you said to yourself, "I can’t" and felt lousy, instead of deliberately taking control to choose a thought of "Hey, what if I can?" and feeling infinitely better?

Feelings as Feedback

Our feelings are key. They are a wonderful feedback mechanism. As such, there is no right or wrong, good or bad. It’s merely feedback, telling us that, in that moment, our focus is on something that isn’t in alignment with what we want or of what we are truly capable.

Here’s an example. Imagine that it’s coming up to Christmas. A you think about Christmas shopping, you groan. You want to give generously to your family, but your bank balance sings another tune... and you feel lousy as a result. You want to give generously, but your focus is on "I haven’t sufficient funds". Desire and focus are out of alignment, and the result is a less than positive feeling.

Now, imagine that you shift your focus. What do you want? "Oh, I want to give generously to my family, I want us to have a great time at Christmas, I want us to really enjoy our presents, I want us to have a great laugh together, I want people to know that I took time to think about their gift, and I want to find presents that please as well as feel good to my pocket." You get the idea? Do you get a sense of how differently this feels?

In this uplifted frame of mind, what ideas might you now come up with that don’t require as much money, just other kinds of resources? As the saying goes, there are a dozen ways to skin a cat. What if you chose to find a way that you really enjoy and still achieve your objective at the same time? The same applies to running your business and managing your money – be it saving, investing, making it or spending it. Find ways to feel good about whatever choices you make, and then enjoy it to the full.

Ever notice how the better it gets, the better it gets? It’s about time that we all allowed ourselves to get excited more!

Action Points

1. Play a game with yourself. Find every little and every big thing that you can think of, to be pleased about. When some things come up which have you feeling not so good, explore how you might be able to change your focus so you feel better.

2. Be like the Tibetan monk! When asked why he stayed so happy even though he was exiled from his own country, would never see his family again and could never return to his homeland, he replied, "Because it makes me feel good". We don't need an excuse to feel good. Just do it because it feels good!

3. Think on an aspect of your life that you know is working well for you. Then bask in it for a while.

Quote

"We are really advocates of just getting as happy as you can be - which takes care of everything. Even if you don’t have reason to be happy – make it up. Fantasize it. Make a decision that you’re going to be happy one way or another - no matter what. "No matter what, I’m going to be happy! If I have to ignore everybody; if I have to never watch television again; if I have to never pick up a newspaper again, I’m going to be happy. If I never have to see that person’s face again, I’m going to be happy. If I have to see that person’s face, I’m going to find something to see in that person’s face that makes me happy. I’m going to be happy. I’m going to be happy. I’m going to be happy."" – Abraham Hicks

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